Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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