I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
