My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
