google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
