is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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