drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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