I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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