He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
