She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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