Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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