I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
