we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
