I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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