I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You pole danced in your parka.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
