Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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