yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
