i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
