He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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