there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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