that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
