Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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