I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
ttyl tear gas
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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