whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
