puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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