Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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