people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
