you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize