I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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