No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
