Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
