how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
