i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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