so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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