"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
