That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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