there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
