take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
