i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
