I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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