thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
