11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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