We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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