Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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