I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
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