tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
