is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
