last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
