one might say we're banned from that church
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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