The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
