just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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