so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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