There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
