What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
