Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
