They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
