there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
