I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
