me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
