that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
