Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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