I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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