don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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