I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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