i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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