You're so nebulous sometimes
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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